A Devil of a Job

[TennyoCeres84]

Aislinn scoffed in amusement and couldn't help but smile. She returned the handshake she hadn't started, but kept her grip firm for the length of time the contact lasted. "No, you're right. I'm frankly relieved you're not every horror movie cliche wrapped up in one package. Nice to meet you, Melmoth," she greeted.

"Since you're apparently short on time, what can you tell us about Krampus that we don't already know? We're gonna be meeting him very soon, and there sure as shit isn't any nice and easy method to dealing with him."

[IamLEAM1983]

Melmoth looked around, spotted one of the stools the Sandbox contained, walked up to it and brought it closer. Sitting on it with a little grunt, he lit his newly-earned stogie a second time, his right hand's thumb acting like a lighter's striker. A tiny flame hovered above the finger's pointed fingernail, which he snuffed out with a quick wrist motion. "Mmph," he muttered appreciatively, "you can tell your courier he has taste, Matthias. Haven't received a decent Cuban in months, now - most of everyone who rings me figures I'm into Yuppie shit."

He grimaced. "Red Sand gives me headaches and heroin makes me feel like my actual heart's gonna blow! But, uh - the kid. Right. None of what I've got is of a first-hand basis, I didn't raise the guy. I pride myself in outfitting my minor demons with marketable skills, though. You want a decent homunculi? You come to me. Screw Belial, he'll short-change you every single time. But - yeah, that one got snatched out of my corral before I could pull a number on it. It was as fresh as a brand-new methane emission or a little lava pocket. Pure, concentrated hate. One hundred percent Hellborn - not like me and the rest of the Princes. They all remember what it feels like to have a conscience, I try and act like I still have one."

He gestured vaguely. "I'm blathering. Thing is, Obie raised the kid. The more he did, the more he took it away from me, the less I could tell you about him. All I know is he kept the core desire a lot of minor demons have - which is fucking shit up wantonly - and gave it a purpose. Krampus is kind of the Dexter Morgan of us demons, really. The catch is, though, he never kills anyone - but that's in the folklore, at this point. He terrifies, traumatizes, breaks bones and rends flesh and whatnot - but he'll always take you to the closest ER if he needs you alive. Killing a Fae is Oberon's personal privilege. Krampus doesn't have access to that. Being more of a Fae than a demon at this point, he couldn't kill anyone even if he wanted to. Fae Oaths and so on and so forth."

He briefly rolled his eyes. "As for him being collaborative? Sheeze, I dunno, guy's kind of Oberon's personal Terminator. My guess is if you make it clear your interests are identical and really, honestly try not to draw attention to any of his shit as being criminal in nature - because it sure as fuck is going to be pretty fucking criminal - then you'll do fine. Or, well, fine-ish."

The demon looked back to Aislinn. "Look at it this way, okay? You were vigilantes, you handled some asshat with an arcane bomb before you turned into legally sanctioned goody two-shoes. Now you're stuck handing a dude who's never been legally sanctioned and who's never going to be. My take on things is you're better off meeting the kid at the airport with a big, red roll-up carpet, a valet service and a bottle of champers - and then you're gonna do everything you can so he stays out of jail and on track."

A finger went up. "Screw this up, and odds are you'll see Obie stroll down the Q with a couple dozen Hounds pulling his carts and a couple fucktons more joining while he'll blow in his freaking horn and just - mutate passers-by into extra Hounds du jour. If that happens, you better get used to wearing a PetSafe collar and start chewing bones, or you should run. Run the fuck out of town and never look back."

[TennyoCeres84]

Aislinn groaned out of frustration after hearing that particular bit of information. "Well, fuck," she swore, sighing. She then looked back to the cigar-smoking demon. "Thanks, Melmoth."

[Karl the Mad]

"Shiny," Preston muttered. "What next?"

"I guess we head fer th' h'airport," Charles replied, "an' hope no one else 'as th' same ideas we does."

------------------------------

"Yes, I have money," Katherine replied, hiding her amusement. Bringing local currency was standard operating procedure for Wyvern representatives, from Kuhn himself all the way to Flemish, their newest junior.

[IamLEAM1983]

The demon shrugged. "Hey, I'd love to be the bearer of an easy way out, but I can't operate outside of your summons' terms. I have to do my job, after all. Feel free to ask more questions - I can't guarantee the price will be as easy to come by as your little retainer of sorts. I never charge for consulting work."

Matthias folded his arms. "What would that price be?
- Like I said, I don't charge souls. Not yours, at least; neither of you fit the Desperate Banker or Stock Broker archetypes. I charge douchebags looking to coast their way to ten thousand-dollar escorts and Italian luxury cars of the year. Neither of you are even remotely despicable, so I can't pull a coupla years off of your lifespans, either. Not in good conscience, at least. Doing that to you, Matthy, would be fucking moronic for obvious reasons. Thing is, I have to charge something."

He gave it a thought for a few moments, and then looked back to Aislinn. "Think you could cope with a slow week at the parlor, kiddo? One week of next-to-nonexistent work, spaced in with a couple awful tramp stamps and misspelled wannabe-inspirational quotes," he said, pulling a finger-quotes gesture as he spoke. "That's as much of a glancing blow as I can deal."

The vampire caught on to something. "We never specifically asked for more, Melmoth..."

In response, the Infernal Broker grinned and pulled on his stogie. "Yeah, I caught that, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, right? She tattoos, you nerdgasm over old formulas and I, well... I'm the easy way out. The well-meaning friend whose terrible advice is eventually gonna get you fired or thrown in a ditch a few minutes before sunlight. I don't want to mess with you, but I have to. I don't, and the boss cuts my funding."

He shrugged. "He cuts my funding? I'm useless. I'm useless, he demotes me. I might have been an angel way back when, but Lucifer's got all the keys. He wants me gone? I'm gone - nevermind how much I'd like to help, here. I'm racially obligated to try and lead you to a destructive end. All I can do is cushion the fall and hopefully set things up so you die of old age before I can collect."

Matthias nodded. "I understand. I assume you have to collect, on occasion. Quotas.
- Give the man a cookie," replied the demon, smirking. "Welcome to the shitty reality of being unable to just jump ship and head for Sammaelite Country. Which I'd entirely do if I could."

"But then, why does Leonard keep you in the hierarchy?"

By way of answer, Melmoth looked back to Aislinn and smiled. "You called me, right? He realizes that not everyone gets off on the whole Tim Curry school of evildoing. Smart people see through him, and they'll definitely see through lunkheads like Belial. He likes me where I'm at because I give the Pit an honest face. I'm the one demon in the entire freaking Pit you can add as a Facebook friend. Krampus Batman-ifies Christmas? I make sinning look like it's fun and carefree. If it feels good, do it is what I embody. I'm the high-roller who's there to excise all the guilt and all the shame you might feel while screwing yourself over!"

Matthias seemed uneasy after this. "Try having a decent social life with that!" added Melmoth, scoffing.

"Uh, that said, not that I'm getting socially desperate or anything, but you two are the first real people I've talked to in months. It's all been office sociopaths and strumpets-cum-secretaries and asshole Internet startup college dropouts wagging their Benjamins in my face. I won't weep, I won't beg or anything, but I need to see people I don't have to damn on the long term, alright?"

Sticking his pinky in one ear, he mimed holding a telephone and mouthed the words Call Me.

[TennyoCeres84]

Thinking about the Aislinn scoffed at Melmoth and nodded. "I can possibly deal with a slow week. Not all of my work is filled with creating walking masterpieces to begin with. There's a reason I put up a sign about tattoos being permanent unless you feel like paying even more pain and money to have it removed, but those that enter my parlor don't always heed my warning. My business started slow, before I eventually earned more clientele."

She raised an eyebrow. "If I agree to that, what would I receive in return?"

[IamLEAM1983]

"A promise," replied Melmoth. "Not to you or your people, but to the kid. I don't look like much now, but I'm a demon, missy. I have to hurt people to get by, even if it kills me a little each time. When you find Krampus, tell him that the Pit hasn't forgotten him. If he puts one of you in the stretcher, he'll see me - and I won't be there to make offers. He has a soul, now - so that means he's free game for me."

Although his tone had grown somber, he outstretched a hand and smiled, tendrils of dark smoke escaping from between his teeth. "Deal?"

* * *

Vickers and Lieberman came in a few moments later, looking remarkably... generic. One was a reasonably well-maintained human of some forty-odd years, burnished of skin and placing dark eyes on Starr; the other an anthro Labrador - as boilerplate an anthro race as there would ever be. He seemed to be in fairly decent shape as well, but his breed's naturally loose skin made that assessment a less obvious one.

"What's this about?" asked Lieberman, not even giving Starr the benefit of raising his hackles. He seemed totally oblivious.

[TennyoCeres84]

After a few minutes of deliberation, Aislinn let out a final sigh and shook the demon's hand. "Deal," she answered.

[Karl the Mad]

Katherine took a moment to poke about the conference room, rearranging things to suit her needs; setting the print frames just off center, shoving one side of the table out of whack so it was crooked. Knocking the blinds so the shadows were distorted across the room. So that when the two men came in, the normal order of the familiar room would be just a little off-kilter; not enough to notice right away, but enough that it would niggle at them gradually.

In any event, when the two men came in she frowned and stared at them intently. "I asked to see you one at a time," she said pointedly, glaring at the door.

[IamLEAM1983]

Vickers nodded. "We were told as such. I'd prefer to explain the facts with Lieberman."

The dog nodded. "I have an Engineering degree, and I'm stuck overseeing bloody schedules for robots working under the Shard. I didn't take those codes to screw the boss over, I took them so someone would be able to look at my blueprints. I don't care if it gets some junior in some heat, I all tell them what's at stake. Innovation has to come from elsewhere than Nigel Bloody Griffin."

Vickers gave Staff an equally pointed look. "I got him the codes - Griffin sends me expense reports. I was able to swipe a copy off his office with a USB key. Only the front door is ever code-locked."

Well. That was - blunt...