To Nereus
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TennyoCeres84
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To Nereus
During Meris' absence, how did you while away the time in the Darkhallow sanctuary you once shared with her? Or did you avoid it? How did her shade behave when it was around you?
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IamLEAM1983
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- Location: Quebec, Canada
As Nereus
"I avoided it, initially. Instead, I allowed myself to relive the days as they passed, but in a better form. I suffered through one day with the Chamberlain at my side, then repeated the same hours without him. I lived through two concurrent agendas for many years, sometimes forgetting which one was real. In one of them, I was in complete control of our machinations and I wanted to spur the Others' arrival onward for the sake of the potential it offered. I pretended to be a surface-dwelling bon vivant with ulterior motives, while the truth of the matter was that I was a bon vivant with very little in terms of independence. I was surrounded with liars and with sycophants; all I wanted was a way out, a way to confront the problems at hand on my own steam.
A few decades following her escape, I rediscovered the corner of the Gods' Dwelling that had been ours. The trees had died, most buildings had crumbled, but our house still stood, along with the little lighthouse harbor. I never knew how or why these portions had held out, exactly, and I'd never really know. Memories of her were everywhere, locked underneath years and years of dust and cobwebs. It... tore a hole through my defenses and allowed a shade of Meris through.
As I'd suspected, she resented me. She appeared to me battered and bruised, always on the verge of hopelessness. I'd need some time to realize my perceptions were flawed, but the interim was absolute torture. I couldn't fall asleep without Meris' shade telling me how she'd died, always with a different story each time. It was always my fault, and I'd always broken her heart. My only choice was to lock the old shade of Hope away, or else not-Meris would've driven me insane with guilt. I lost myself in our preparations and pretended I was fully committed to the Chamberlain's offered plans. I played the fool who didn't realize he was being led right along.
I used old narcotics from Dalarath incognito. I stopped dreaming thanks to drugs, and these drugs played havoc on my appetite. I tried to forget Meris through empty relationships and far too many seconds and thirds at good tables. I'd gotten good at lying to the Chamberlain and told him I could still dream, that Amaxi still spoke to me. Harrogath and Dar-Larth were the first to return, and I thought that medication had done the trick. I'd managed to numb the part of me that still pined for the future Meris and I were supposed to share.
Ironically, Amaxi came back only a few days before Meris came back to me. At this point, reaffirming my faith in the Many-Armed had been a pure formality, a thoughtless process. I knew exactly what to say and do to sound like a motivated member of the Prelacy, but my heart hadn't been in it, or in much of anything else, for centuries. I was on Autopilot.
Then Meris came back, and I remember thinking that was it. I was about to die. My heart had just... stopped. My thoughts were encased in ice. After the longest time, everything came back in full force, and all at once. I remember wanting to cry myself to sleep in her arms, wanting to strangle Time itself, chain it to a post and kill it where it stood, so she'd never have to walk away from me, ever again.
Have you ever realized you'd missed a loved one at a party? Have you ever felt that pinch of melancholy in your chest, the sense that you'd better make amends the next time you meet? Take that feeling and feed all of a single Nexus' power right through it. I almost hated her for leaving again, even though I knew she had to. All I could feel at the onset was the pain of our quick reunion and our even faster separation, but I eventually realized she'd given me hope, as well. I felt like she'd finally given me a weapon to defend myself with.
It was time to prove I could be a mastermind too. The Chamberlain had used me as a proxy for centuries. He'd finally be the one running in the hamster's wheel - and he'd never notice."
A few decades following her escape, I rediscovered the corner of the Gods' Dwelling that had been ours. The trees had died, most buildings had crumbled, but our house still stood, along with the little lighthouse harbor. I never knew how or why these portions had held out, exactly, and I'd never really know. Memories of her were everywhere, locked underneath years and years of dust and cobwebs. It... tore a hole through my defenses and allowed a shade of Meris through.
As I'd suspected, she resented me. She appeared to me battered and bruised, always on the verge of hopelessness. I'd need some time to realize my perceptions were flawed, but the interim was absolute torture. I couldn't fall asleep without Meris' shade telling me how she'd died, always with a different story each time. It was always my fault, and I'd always broken her heart. My only choice was to lock the old shade of Hope away, or else not-Meris would've driven me insane with guilt. I lost myself in our preparations and pretended I was fully committed to the Chamberlain's offered plans. I played the fool who didn't realize he was being led right along.
I used old narcotics from Dalarath incognito. I stopped dreaming thanks to drugs, and these drugs played havoc on my appetite. I tried to forget Meris through empty relationships and far too many seconds and thirds at good tables. I'd gotten good at lying to the Chamberlain and told him I could still dream, that Amaxi still spoke to me. Harrogath and Dar-Larth were the first to return, and I thought that medication had done the trick. I'd managed to numb the part of me that still pined for the future Meris and I were supposed to share.
Ironically, Amaxi came back only a few days before Meris came back to me. At this point, reaffirming my faith in the Many-Armed had been a pure formality, a thoughtless process. I knew exactly what to say and do to sound like a motivated member of the Prelacy, but my heart hadn't been in it, or in much of anything else, for centuries. I was on Autopilot.
Then Meris came back, and I remember thinking that was it. I was about to die. My heart had just... stopped. My thoughts were encased in ice. After the longest time, everything came back in full force, and all at once. I remember wanting to cry myself to sleep in her arms, wanting to strangle Time itself, chain it to a post and kill it where it stood, so she'd never have to walk away from me, ever again.
Have you ever realized you'd missed a loved one at a party? Have you ever felt that pinch of melancholy in your chest, the sense that you'd better make amends the next time you meet? Take that feeling and feed all of a single Nexus' power right through it. I almost hated her for leaving again, even though I knew she had to. All I could feel at the onset was the pain of our quick reunion and our even faster separation, but I eventually realized she'd given me hope, as well. I felt like she'd finally given me a weapon to defend myself with.
It was time to prove I could be a mastermind too. The Chamberlain had used me as a proxy for centuries. He'd finally be the one running in the hamster's wheel - and he'd never notice."