Your Characters and Hot Pepper Reviews

[IamLEAM1983]

Hot Pepper Gaming is a YouTube channel that's dedicated to bringing the world game reviews from all corners of Geek culture, but with a twist. All reviewers are asked to eat one of several hot pepper varieties before beginning their task, and have to remain as cohesive as possible.

So let's say someone's drunk or a little stupid and manages to get our guys to agree to having an involved discussion while their mouths are on fire... How would they react?

Three: he'd keep talking well enough, apart for the occasional comments about fiery hot death invading the crevices of his lips, and would weep profusely. Not in the I'm sad sense, but more in the My body decided to open the waterworks and I had no say in it sense.

Archie: seeing as he's a Clank, I figure extreme oral pain would register oddly, like as a thousand constant pinpricks over his mouth and tongue. Basically Sczeshuan Dried Peppers. Expect a spare glass and lots of spitting, the spy managing to keep a good front up until he just breaks and mentions how "bloody cold his mouth feel like, now, which is extremely odd..."
 
Bucky: seeing as he scarfs everything down without tasting, I figure he feels sort of fine, until his pressure gauge starts to erratically climb up. The flutes mounted in his helmet's horns start tooting, his facial features start rattling - and he lets out the worst possible burp imaginable. Enter heartburns for several hours and him chugging on Pepto-Bismol the way grizzled private eyes nurse their Wild Turkey for a day or so. Archie tries reminding him he has no actual stomach - but the will is as the will does.
 
Tom: he'd discover much to his surprise that Quint's devotion to fast food left him with a useful extra; it being high pain tolerance for spicy goods. Give him a glass of milk and a few slices of white bread, and you'll soon find him sampling various peppers or hot sauces like he's a factory tester needing to find out the exact Scoville number for each item. He'd make it look distinguished and socially acceptable, and would eventually become the mansion's Sommelier of the Hot Sauce Rack.

Randolph: he'd almost die - or at least it would feel like it from his end of things - only to spring back to life whenever some good soul would show up with a tall glass of milk. He'd then say that if he agrees to this again, his actual age has finally caught up with him and dementia will have done its work. At which point he should be disbarred and committed to a hospice - but not before passing a law that makes the use of certain sauces an attempted murder-suicide.

Wallace: he probably has the highest culinary pain tolerance in the city, to the point where he'd just shrug the edge off. He'd probably put liquid Hellfire on his pasta if it were possible. He'd keep talking pretty easily and would be fairly surprised to see members of the force - and superheroes, at that - desperately call for a glass of milk.

Amazo: he'd develop a Capsaicin-neutering ward you can actually cast on your own tongue, market it in advance of the meetup, and then use it when challenged. He'd cheat his way through three Indonesian Ghost Peppers and would need to have his bullshit called up by either Aislinn, Meris or Tom. He'd then dare his friends to do anything about it, seeing as his marketed spell's just sold like hot cakes. Everyone has that one relative or friend with titanium-cast tastebuds and some sort of death wish, someone who insists on cooking for their friends without taking their frailer constitutions into account...

Melmoth: he'd spit out his second bite and give up. Not so much because of the stuff's strength, but because his thousands of years of stogie-puffing left him with tastebuds that register stuff like this as the weirdest sensation ever. Disgust would save him from any potentially unflattering displays.

George: considering how flimsy his immune system is, he'd flat-out refuse to do it. The last thing he wants is some Eldritch anaphylactic shock to end with him dead at the table seeing as nobody could reliably get him to a doctor who'd be able to figure out what was wrong with him.

Jack: Magic Intra-Cranial Fireflies + Hot Peppers = Flamethrower. Clear the deck!

Eirean: she'd look fine for a few seconds, but then pain would make her drop her mortal guise. Imagine Galadriel under the Ring's influence, only she's clamped both her hands on her mouth and is desperately breathing through her nose even while nonexistent winds are busy making her red hair look all dramatic and regal.

Cordatus: he's a fire-breathing dragon. He'd be right up there with Tom, criticizing sauces like Doc Bowel's Southern Gut-Buster as being "fruity" and "nicely paired with fish and fowl"'...

Aldergard: same, more or less.

Leonard: he'd make a fairly poor show, complete with some profuse weeping, actual crying, lots of whimpering and begging for it to end - only to later blame everyone else and make it a point to torment and kill those who produced the peppers or sauces they'd have tried.

Ghost of Leonard the Mortal: assuming he's got enough Emotion Juices stored to go corporeal, he'd honestly be disappointed. The sense of taste would be something his temporary body can't convincingly reproduce. so he'd be stuck spitting in Archie's spare glass and looking generally bemused, as though he'd have no words to describe what he'd felt. His best shot at it would be that ectoplasm can't reproduce something as fine as tastebuds, so it just gives up halfway there and leaves spicy things feeling generically "not nice".
 
Rendell: he'd join Team Dragons and Tom, only he'd be an insufferable pedant about it. "What do you mean, that's too strong for you? My dear, I've ingested ricin pellets every week for the better part of fifteen years and rinsed my Chardonnay down with a cyanide chaser almost as often. This? This was Coy Sensory Tickling, in comparison."

Nereus: Harrogath probably forced him to develop strong pain tolerances for anything the body registers as being generally not good for you, even when it's going overboard in its assessment. Hot sauces and raw peppers coincidentally wouldn't bother him too much, but he doesn't come from a culture that values hot stuff. Void Weaver food is fairly flavorless, and Greek cuisine isn't known for leaning on peppers. All things considered, he just wouldn't understand the appeal.